Articles by jolulabug@aol.com

Why Do We Fail?

Growth must be intentional

If we sit alone with our thoughts long enough, most will come to the same conclusion. Many of us will think of something that we need to fix or want to improve. If that’s you, you probably have a visual picture of where you want to go in life. A goal, a dream, an internal yearning- whatever you choose to call it, most people have at least one.

This could be as simple as losing weight; you may picture yourself ten to twenty pounds thinner wearing your favorite high school jeans. Perhaps making more money is what gets you excited, so the visual might consist of you driving a fancy car and living in a multilevel house with an Olympic-sized pool. Others may aspire to own a business one day, and they envision their own office teeming with loyal employees.

Let’s face it: the human race is endowed with an ambitious spirit, and it is rare to find an individual who does not desire to be more or do more. Why, then, is it that many never reach their goal? Why is it so difficult to get to that place we so desire? More importantly, how do we get there?

     The Taste of Defeat

When I graduated high school, all I wanted to do was get a college degree. Shortly after graduation, I enrolled at Fort Lauderdale’s Art Institute and began the process of becoming a fashion merchandiser, but that undertaking didn’t last long. About a month into my goal-seeking adventure, I gave up on it. That’s right… I lasted a measly month! Why was it so easy for me to give up on my dream?

Unfortunately, the only thing that drove me forward back then were my emotions. No preparation for what was ahead…just driven by pure excitement. Needless to say, I was caught off guard by all “the voices” that had prepared to discourage me, and I sure had not made preparations to handle all the other obstacles that would stand in my way. In the end, I surrendered my dream because I bought into all the reasons to give up and go back home. Yes, sadly, I must admit I lost that battle.I started on that journey without a plan.

    My Revelation

Today, I have the privilege of teaching, training, and coaching. Helping others grow and develop is my passion. Not a day goes by that I am not thankful for this blessing, but it did not just happen. It took twelve years before I saw any type of degree. Trust me when I say that the battle to get here turned into a war. It was not easy, and if I am truly honest, it is a daily fight to reach the goals that I still have to carry out. What I have learned is that if we want to achieve that dream, it won’t just appear by accident. After all, anything worth having never comes easy.

The lessons learned from failure are many, but they have been my greatest teacher through my ongoing journey. It is my hope that my past, present, and future trials, both personally and professionally, will not only keep you from making the same mistakes but that through them, you will be encouraged to reach your full potential. It all starts with a plan.

The Heartache of Losing a Loved One a Little at a Time …The Dreaded Disease of Dementia

Losing a parent can be an earth-shattering event…I have witnessed the heartbreak of close family and friends losing their loved ones. If you have ever lost a parent, you know the pain can be gut-wrenching. After all, the person you made your very first life connection with is gone. It doesn’t matter what age they are when they pass away; there is not much one can say or do to console you.

Years ago, I attended the funeral of a dear friend whose mother had lived to be almost ninety years old. In hindsight, the loss was not a complete surprise…her mom had been ill for some time. Yet, the sadness in her eyes was very real. My best friend lost her precious mother after a long battle and an extended stay in Hospice care. Even today, when she speaks of her, she is overwhelmed with emotion. More than a decade ago, my husband experienced the loss of the man who raised him-his beloved 92-year-old grandfather, Mr. Joe. Again, while the passing was anticipated, his heart still feels the profound loss when he reminisces about the impact his grandfather had on his life.

My experience with loss is a bit different but heartbreaking, just the same. From the outside looking in, my mom appeared young and full of life, yet there was an unseen struggle. At the ripe age of sixty, she was diagnosed with dementia. As hard as the news was to take in for us, it explained the loss of laughter and the character changes we had noticed over the previous months.

Mom’s Trademark Smile

Our distress began in early 2011 when my youngest sister started seeing the changes. Through the endless line of doctors, diagnoses, and causes that we were offered, our despair continued to grow. That, of course, was the first of many more grieving periods to come.

At around the four-year mark, according to the research, Mom was in the middle stages of the disease. One of the most obvious signs was repeating certain information or stories. Every time she looked out the window of the home she had lived in for almost forty years, she asked the same question, “I wonder who is moving into the house across the street? I think I heard…” When she had a good day, she would tell you exactly who was going to occupy the home and the entire story behind it. The good days, of course, came less and less with time. That was yet another experience of grieving. I realized her body was still with us, but the mother we once knew was slowly and subtly vanishing before our eyes.

At that point, I made the decision to step away from my job. While this granted me time to finish some schooling and focus on establishing my business, it gave me the opportunity to take Mom to her numerous appointments and spend some days during the week with her. She loved to sit outside and, well….just sit. She would sometimes take her purse with her and idly sift through it. If she was inside, she wasn’t always as calm because restlessness often took over. It was quite difficult to get her to sit still and focus on any one thing. While she still danced and sang to songs she loved, her attention span was shrinking. While subtle, there was grief once again.

About a year later, Mom started suffering from fainting and seizing spells. We were at the doctor’s office trying to pinpoint why she was inexplicably falling asleep when it first happened. I was unfortunate enough to be a witness to it that day…yet another moment of deep grief for me. After a few days of chaos, they determined that her heart was dropping to dangerous lows with rates in the teens. They could not definitively tell us if the medications for dementia were the cause. It was a catch-22…she needed the meds, or her mental state would deteriorate even more quickly, yet it could be what was causing her heart to fail her. The morning they transferred her to an ICU room, her heart paused for a whole 11 seconds. Grief, this time accompanied by a flood of other emotions, washed over once more. To resolve the problem, she had surgery for a pacemaker implant. Let me just say things did not get easier.

The first thing Mom did when we arrived home from the hospital was remove her pressure bandage from the area covering her surgery wound above her chest. She was clueless as to the severity of what she had done. The bandage was quickly replaced, but within minutes she removed it again…only this time, she hid it. She had to be watched constantly. My dad, my siblings, and I took turns as caretakers for the day. No matter which one of us was keeping an eye on her, the outcome was the same: utter exhaustion. But we made sure she had supervision until it was safe for her to resume normal activities. Like clockwork, Mom continued to move through the stages of dementia. And each stage brought more moments of grief.

Every month after that carried all the complications and heartache that come with the dreadful disease. When she could no longer care for herself, we were met with more grieving. But, just like Mom had taught us when we were younger, we wiped our tears and did whatever needed to be done to make things work. We knew we needed help. God, in all His kindness, blessed us with one of the best nurses on the planet. While we had several ladies who came on the scene to help, there was none that topped Ms. Marie. She cared for and loved our mother like she was her own.

Late last year, my mother was freed from her battle with dementia of almost thirteen years. The periods of grief between the day she was diagnosed and the day she took her last breath are too numerous to count. We grieved each time she lost the ability to do something for herself, and we grieved when she forgot who we were; we grieved each and every time we lost a little piece of her.

The actual day we lost her was the hardest of all for me. The emotional chaos and confusion in my soul were intense. I had lost my mother years before, a little at a time, as parts of who she was were stolen, but we continued to love and care for the person the disease had left behind. Now she too was gone. It was overwhelming, to say the very least. The part of me that realized there would be no more suffering for her, that there would be no more anxious attachments to my phone waiting on emergency calls, no more dreaded dementia; that part of me understood she was now free, with Jesus and at peace. 

Yet, the part of me that knew I could no longer visit with her, even though our conversations were mostly one-sided; the part of me that would no longer be able to make faces at her to get her to laugh; the part of me that communicated with her caretakers to make sure things were as comfortable as possible for someone with the dreadful disease; that part of me was and remains heartbroken. 

I keep a picture of my mother with me at all times…she is flashing her trademark smile…I am reminded of the strong, sophisticated, and sassy woman who raised me, my brother, and my sisters, before dementia stole her from us. I think of all the gold nuggets of wisdom she shared, the unconditional love she had for us, and the way she believed in us when we did not believe in ourselves.

Today, I am reminded of how incredibly blessed I was to have her as a mother. And though her passing did not catch me off guard, and while I have peace knowing she is no longer suffering, I still grieve. After thirteen years, I can now think about and miss the mother who gave me life and courage, the mother I knew before dementia.

The loss of this beautiful soul, while heartbreaking, pushes me forward. Just like Mom would have wanted, the grieving instead gives me strength and has brought about an even deeper love for the people around me. This, my friends, I believe, is the greatest consolation for deep-seated grief that, by all accounts, seems will last forever.

In honor of her life, I made the decision to use the grief as a springboard to move past my fears, love others wholeheartedly, and do the things I once only dreamt of doing. With the Word of God in hand and my mother’s memory in my heart, I am driven towards becoming the person I was always meant to be.

At the end of the day, it does not matter if your grief came on suddenly or a little bit at a time. The loss of a loved one is gut-wrenching. And the truth is grief has no expiration date. Instead of wishing the days away because our person is gone, we should instead live fully in their memory. While it has been a little over a year for me, there are some days the grief is heavier than others. However, I have found some solace by taking the knowledge and wisdom Mom left us with and fearlessly trying to add my best to the world in honor of her life.

Relationships: They Will Make Your or Break You

We are created for relationships. Even those of us who enjoy our quiet time alone can attest to this truth. However, these same relationships can either make us or break us. Sadly, we (or people we know) tend to ignore the early red flags of our rational thinking and allow ourselves to be drawn into toxic relationships (and situations) that are certain to lead us towards a life of chaos. Why do we make the choices we make? How can we take control and choose better?

Our emotions, although mysterious, are so powerful that our natural logic seems to escape us. The empty places in our hearts are so hollow we ignore the danger of the void fillers we select; we so desperately want the loneliness gone. The wounds in our soul are so painful we discount the alarms in our spirit in hopes that this will be “the one” who takes all the pain away. Understand that no matter how much we want to make something true out of the imaginations in our mind, the truth will eventually rear its ugly head. If we want to take back our life, we MUST wake up to this reality.

Self-awareness is crucial to thinking responsibly when developing healthy relationships or simply making decisions. Just because we deny or ignore what is real does not make it change. We cannot choose the emotions that rise up but we can utilize our self-awareness in order to better control the course of our reactions. We must take responsibility for who we are and the choices we make, but first we must search for the truth behind the pattern of past destructive choices if we are to learn to create an abundant future filled with thriving relationships.

A Brand New Day… Without Fear

isaiah-43_18-19

It happens to most of us. An insatiable inspiration to do something new and outrageous comes over us. We get really excited and make mental plans as we ride on the enthusiasm for a few days.  It isn’t long, however, and before we know it we have completely talked ourself out of the great idea that once inspired us. There are times that we may even beat ourselves up mentally, wondering what we were thinking in the first place. 

Second Nature or Bad Habit

The human reluctance of starting something new is imbedded in us so deeply that we think it is natural; we even take pride in calling ourselves cautious. Speaking personally, I have always believed that not taking that ‘risk’ was just me being reasonable. At times, I would justify it by using elaborate terms: it’s my internal protection mechanism, or discernment. In reality it was a whole lot more than that; it was plain old FEAR! It was the fear of failure, and it paralyzed me.

Reckless or Responsible

Hear me when I say that there is nothing wrong with stepping back, praying about decisions and making wise choices. Afterall, the world that we live in now makes it nearly impossible to truly trust most of what we hear and say. We would be foolish to jump into anything without really weighing our options. What I am saying is that we cannot let fear control our lives to the point that we lose sight of what we are called to do.

Recently, I have come to realize that this way of thinking  has caused me to miss out on some wonderful opportunities. And although I cannot go backwards, it is this revelation that has prompted me to move forward in an entirely new direction, right in the face of fear.

There is no doubt that there will be times of discouragement and defeat, but no longer will fear keep me from living the abundant life that we are all promised.  If you are ready to defy the odds, confront your doubts and turn your back on your fears, then I invite you to be brave and take the journey with me….something new is about to happen!

Basking in His Creation

Last week, we decided to do something out of the ordinary; we went fishing…something that we had not attempted in a long while. Although, we had a wonderful time, it took me back to the days when going out to the Everglades was a regular occurring event in our family. The trip reminded me of  an old college science assignment; we were asked to reflect on an area of nature around us. Naturally, I chose to write about the beauty of the 10,000 Islands.

When we returned home that afternoon, I immediately pulled out the old project, and as soon as I started turning the pages, I was instantly overwhelmed by all of the memories that were made in this beautiful park.  Here is a portion of that March 2003 reflection:

We docked off at Captain Gary McMillan’s private dock, a second-generation Everglades inhabitant. He lives at the end of Chokoloskee Island, the southern-most point of civilization in the Everglades.  Before we headed off on our endeavor, David decided we needed to catch some live bait.  He cast his net, for what seemed an eternity, and brought in a couple dozen finger-mullets, while my son decided he was going to start a shell collection. After everyone had gathered what they needed, we were off and headed to the 10,000 Islands.

It was shortly after 1:00 p.m. and the temperature was around 80 degrees, the wind was blowing slightly. Every so often when the breezed rested, the water looked like a sea of glass.  The mangroves were gorgeous. They draped slightly above the water when the tide was high, and appeared to magically grow taller, when the tide dropped and their roots were exposed.

Fortunately for us, David has been fishing in these waters for over two decades, so we could travel places that others wouldn’t dare venture.  Although, the islands make look indistinguishable to you and I, they are like second nature to him.  I had a wonderful time watching the fascination of my kids as they took in all of God’s creation, as well as witnessing  their enthusiasm each time they felt a tug on their line.  They both caught their share of fish: snappers, redfish, jacks and even a few catfish. Even I got lucky a couple of times!

Around 4:00 p.m. we headed back, but not before spotting a couple of porpoises frolicking in the water.  David took us to a huge nest that was built atop a mangrove; I believe that it housed an osprey (amazing)! We also came up on a small island inhabited by what appeared to be pelicans. We couldn’t get too close, for fear we would get caught on a sand bar, which I am told happens a lot.

All in all, the experience  of the day was just the thing that I needed. The sun was reflecting on the water ; it was the perfect ending to the perfect day. Not only was I able to connect with God’s beauty, but I was able to enjoy it with those that I love the most.

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Parenting: One of God’s Greatest Callings

 

As the mother of two beautiful children, ages 21 and 16, I have discovered both the pains and the pleasures of parenting. Almost three years ago, we proudly and tearfully sent our oldest child off to college. And unless you have personally experienced this sort of parental separation, it is hard to wrap your mind around the sense of heartache and sadness that can come from this inevitable life-changing event. Although, no life has been lost, there is a definite shift in the way you once lived. A shift that can send shockwaves through a once unwavering home.

Aspiring Christian Authors: A Note to Self

Given the cutting edge technology era we are in, the writing process has never been so important, especially to young aspiring authors. We can transmit a message for the world to see in an instant. Although I would not trade this innovative tool for the world, a moment of weakness could produce chaos. When we pair passionate emotions that create fervent and fiery words, fueled by the heat of the moment, this gift of transmitting our thoughts can cause a self-inflicted wound. In the blink of an eye, before pondering the content of our impulsive, yet “crucial” message, the hasty decision causes us to second guess ourselves as soon as we hit the send button. I would be the first to agree that writing from an impassioned heart quite often produces the best work. However, we must be careful not to confuse it with enthusiatic emotional energy. As I write, no matter how excited I am to put a completed piece out for others to read, I must remember these things.

God the Father’s Endorsement- Part 2

God the Father’s Endorsement:

After John the Baptist baptized Jesus, God the Father announces that Jesus is His son:

After his baptism, as Jesus came up out of the water, the heavens were opened and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and settling on him.  And a voice from heaven said, “This is my beloved Son, and I am fully pleased with him” (Matthew 3:16-17)

 There are two things to take note of:

  •  God the Father is identifying Jesus as His Son.  
  • It reveals the three Persons of the Trinity present in one place at one time: God the Father’s voice is heard, Jesus Christ the Son is being baptized, and the Holy Spirit appears in the form of the dove. 

At that Baptism the Holy Spirit came to Jesus and it was made known that He was the Son of God. This is the only time in the life of our Lord that you will see all three of the Godhead manifest at one time. 

Jesus’ Humanity 

The invisible God had appeared on earth. Even though Jesus declared Himself to be God, the Bible describes Jesus Christ being all man.  He referred to Himself as the son of David because He was born into the bloodline of Israel’s famous King David. Jesus referred to Himself as “the Son of Man” (Luke 19:10) and it was revealed in His life:

  • Jesus got hungry (Matthew 4:2)
  • Jesus got thirsty (John 19:28)
  • Jesus grew weary (John 4:6)
  • Jesus loved and had compassion (Matthew 9:36)
  • Jesus wept (John 11:35)
  • Jesus was tempted (Hebrews 4:15) 

Everything about Jesus was human. He had all the human emotions and was just like we are…except for one thing: He knew no sin.  He never did anything that displeased God or violated the Mosaic Law.  He was holy in every way and was declared innocent 11 times:

  •  Six times by Pilate (Matthew 27:24; Luke 24:14; John 18:38; 19:4,6)
  • Once by Herod (Luke 23:15)
  • Once by Pilate’s wife (Matthew 27:19)
  • Once by the repentant thief (Luke 23:19)
  • Once by the Roman centurion (Matthew 27:54)
  • Once by Judas (Matthew 27:4)

 Jesus was without sin; therefore He was the only acceptable sacrifice and died for our sins.  All of Christianity is based on this fact.  Those who knew Him better than anyone else would not have been willing to be persecuted and die for their faith if they knew this was not true.  (1 Peter 2:22, 1 John 3:5, 2 Corinthians 5:21)

JESUS – Who He Was and Is (Part 1)

I had the opportunity to teach a Sunday School class to New Christian Believers. These are the notes from the class.

Who He Was and Is

 Knowing Jesus and having confidence in everything that He did and said will allow Christians to grow in their walk.  Looking at those who were around Him and with Him during His ministry gives us a small glimpse into Jesus’ life.

 Disciples:

The disciples were 12 handpicked ordinary men who, with the exception of one, followed Jesus until their end.  Matthew and John wrote biographies in the Bible. Philip said, “We have found the one Moses wrote about in the Law, and about whom the prophets also wrote-Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph (John 1:45).” Nathaniel responded, “You are the Son of God; you are the King of Israel (v. 49).”

 Opposition:

The religious leaders (Matthew 23) hated Jesus more than anyone, yet they could never expose him as a fraud or silence Him because He spoke with authority and truth (Matt 7:29).  The only way they could silence him was by putting Him to death, and this actually fulfilled the prophecies of the coming Messiah and accomplished what Jesus came to do.

 Historians:

The Bible is the most reliable and trustworthy ancient document ever written. No archaeological discovery has ever contradicted the Bible and has even led some to amazing discoveries.  However, there are still some who want more proof. Josephus, a respected Jewish historian, mentions Jesus often.   

 Jesus’ Deity

His birth was prophesized in the Old Testament (Isaiah 7:14) and we were told that he would called Immanuel, meaning God with us.  In John 10:34 Jesus said, “The Father and I are one.” It is this distinction that is the foundation of Christianity and we can believe it for many reasons.

 The Proof:

 Jesus had supernatural powers.

  • He gave sight to the blind (Mark 8:22-26
  • He cured the lame (John 5:1-9)
  • He healed the sick (Luke 7:1-10)
  • He raised the dead to life (Matthew 9:18-26)
  • He fed thousands with a boy’s lunch (Matthew 14:14-21)
  • He calmed a raging storm with one command (Matthew 8:23-27)

Jesus had supernatural qualities.

  • eternal -omnipresent (John 17:5)
  • all-knowing –omniscient (John 16:30)
  • all-powerful- omnipotent (5:19)
  • unchangeable (Hebrews13:8)
  • the Creator of the Universe (Colossians 1:16)

 Fulfillment of the Coming Messiah in the Old Testament Prophecies:

 God promised the Jews that He would send a king who would establish God’s kingdom on earth. He would be God himself; the Messiah. The prophets gave some clues about who the Messiah would be.

  • City of birth-He was going to be born in the little town of Bethlehem (Micah 5:2)
  • Parentage- He would be the direct descendant of King David (Isaiah 11:1)
  • Characteristics- He would be born of a virgin (Isaiah 7:14)

A Life of Peace and Abundance

John 10:10 tells us clearly that we serve a God who came to give us a life better than we could have ever imagined on our own. Then why is it that so many “Christians” live in defeat?

We come to Jesus as we are; broken and tainted from all of the uninvited chaos and filth that has settled in the darkest and deepest crevices of our heart.  He takes us into His arms and begins to wash away the stains of sin. He carefully and lovingly takes the shards created by rejection and puts the pieces of our life back together again. For some it is instantaneous, for others a process. However it comes about, we are a new creation in the truest sense of the word. We come to realize the Peace that surpasses all understanding, as we fall in love with the One who loved us first.

Yet, for many, this perfect peace is short lived. At the first sign of suffering, we want to return to our old fleshly ways. But why? The start of the same verse in John 10 plainly uncovers the answer. It says that the thief comes to kill, steal and destroy. We quickly give up our peace in order to defend ourselves and control the situation our way. The enemy doesn’t even have to put up a real fight with us.

Proverbs 3 tells us to trust in Him and not lean on our own understanding; to acknowledge Him in all our ways and He will direct our paths. There are many things that we can not control, no matter how much we try. There are things that we want to do and can do, but they don’t line up with His truth. When we put Him first and put our trust in Him, we avoid the unrest that comes with worry or selfish manipulation in order to get our way.  When we trust Him, we find the abundant life that Jesus promises. Even when life seems to be falling apart around us, we have a unexplainable peace because we trust that He is in control.